it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize