worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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