I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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