Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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