I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
