We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
