Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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