We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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