Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
