I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
