Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think people are normalizing furries
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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