What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
