If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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