Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.