If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they need to just BURY HIM!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??