I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
