Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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