I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
