I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
