Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
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She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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