Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
