somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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