The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
