I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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