I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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