Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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