Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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