like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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