I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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