I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
