I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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