its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize