So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
