Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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