is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
