dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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