Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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