We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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