I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
