Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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