The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
