gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
