Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
