You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
