i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
