If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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