Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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