You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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