i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
