It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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