I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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