Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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