like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
