Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
