I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
