I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize