I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
