The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
