Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.