remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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