Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.