Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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