i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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