How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
